Saturday, May 28, 2016
How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city.
Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret? …
It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands. Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but a heart made sweet with hunger and with thirst.
Yet I cannot tarry longer. The sea that calls all things unto her calls me, and I must embark. For to stay, though the hours burn in the night, is to freeze and crystallize and be bound in a mould.
Fain would I take with me all that is here. But how shall I?
I am frozen, almost paralyzed. I am to the stuff that I actually use. I can’t take it all with me. I have not yet started moving into the RV, as I am terrified that I will find that everything I want won’t fit. I actually know that it won’t. The nightmares have retreated a bit, but my self-talk about how I always make poor decisions and that, like a cat, I’m running out of lives or the ability to land on my feet runs through my mind constantly.
Understand, there is nothing that has happened to change my desire to move into the RV, or anything new happened that is a problem. This is my own fight to get myself over this hump.
I showed the mobile to a couple yesterday and they looked around and then said ‘the ad says this will be available by Monday…’ I said that if they made me an offer I’d be out at the end of Tuesday, and I could. I might need to check into a psych ward (I didn’t add that part…). It turns out they can’t apply to live in the park until Tuesday anyway, so I have some time, and they didn’t make me an offer. I’m going to amend the ad to say June 15.
My paid help is to show up Tuesday, so I will again get a moving truck for a day and see how much I can squeeze into the storage sheds.
This is hard. I must be a true basket case, as most folks talk about how ‘freeing’ getting rid of stuff is, ‘think of how much money you are spending holding onto this crap, err, your stuff you aren’t using’ Maybe I’ll get there. I can’t think of the money because when I do I hyperventilate looking back and forth from the expense that is an issue and the idea of just dumping all my stuff. It is difficult enough to put it in storage.
This is one of my better days. This is why I haven’t been blogging much the past few days.
Friday, May 20, 2016
These are truly ‘Before’ pictures as I have not had time to clean at all. I’ve been working on getting moved out of the mobile instead. So, here is the RV:
As you can see, the spare tire is still in the middle of the floor. I started putting some things up on the bed as I needed to clear them out of the mobile to show it the other day. I’ll have a memory foam mattress up there, but I’m sleeping on it currently so it will be one of the last things to go in.
The kitchen should be adequate for what little cooking I do. Storage is another matter.
The bathroom is the door in the back, and has a separate shower. I do need to do some work on the shower before I use it, but all in good time. When I get up to Payson I can either use Mom’s shower or the one in the community room until I get the small cracks sealed in mine.
Everything else is status quo around here. I make small loads to storage, and a few to donate. It is slowly clearing out here. My goal is to have most of the stuff in storage by the end of the month. Then concentrate on the RV. If I sell the mobile, then the plan speeds up. I have places I want to go starting the middle of June, so I will plan to be ready to pack up the cats and leave by the 15th of June or thereabouts.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Yesterday morning I had two folks contact me to schedule a showing of my mobile. They both wanted Saturday mid-day. When I told the second one that I was already showing it at 1pm on Saturday, suddenly she wanted to see it today. I’ve been packing stuff back in closets and got the second storage unit and started putting stuff in it. Not as organized as I was planning, but I’ll go over ‘later’ and organize it.
Which is why there are no pictures yet of the RV. Bill apparently got sidetracked as well as he never showed up to go get the lumber. His wife got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon, so he will be busy taking care of her for awhile. I’m tossing stuff into the RV for now to show the place, but I really will get some pictures. They just won’t be the perfect, clean version as I had planned.
So I”m off to do more clearing of stuff to show the mobile in it’s best light. It really is a nice place, if I can get my stuff out of the way. Part of me wonders if they are his/her of the same couple. That would be funny (to me). I know the second lady is looking seriously as I’m the second one for her today, and she almost bought a different mobile in this same park but something fell through. She is already approved to move in per the resident requirements, so that works in my favor as they had to already pay for the background check.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Yesterday the RV went into B & H Auto Repair to see if the dash air and most things in general in the dash could be made to work again. They brought me home and a couple of hours later I got the call. The air conditioning unit is an aftermarket add on, and it wasn’t hooked up and didn’t have freon. The quote to see if it could be made to work was within my betting limit, so he went ahead with the process. He got it to work, and also got the 12V socket to work as well as the dash light bulbs. Pretty much everything on this 1983 RV now works! I had said it talked to me from the ad, and obviously it wants to become useful again.
After morning coffee klatsch with Bill and Bob I’m going to use the RV to help Bill pick up some lumber. His truck is not running right now. The morning coffee klatsch is because with the new owners here in the park and the office manager, you know, the one who used to keep things running smoothly, gone there is no longer any coffee down at the community room. It is known that I ALWAYS have coffee, so I’m the new center for morning gathering. Heck, I even bought some pastry to have this morning. But, back to plans… Bill and I will go to Home Depot and get the lumber in the RV, then I’ll pull the RV up to my mobile and work on starting the clean up. And, yes, I’ll finally take pictures of the inside. I’ll also check to see if the spare tire is worth keeping. It has a tire cover on it that has seen better days and is mounted to part of an angle iron mounting bracket. I can’t figure out how it fits on the back, and can’t lift it anyway.
I got some harnesses for the cats, but they looked so uncomfortable that I’m going to just get the strap kind and try that. I also got some kitty downer chews and gave one to Rasta, the cat that hates to be in a moving vehicle. He didn’t get sick, so I’ll try drugging him the first few times he is in the moving RV to see how it goes. I only have one crate and the cats don’t get along well enough to put them in the same crate during a stressful time, so I’ll hit up TSC to see what they have. I don’t really think that Bosley needs to be crated, and Rasta may be better not crated as well. It is a work in process.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
I look around the place and think about how ‘I need to do that’ about everything. Then I think ‘First, I need to do that, though’. My circle of procrastination becomes a mobius strip, going round and round with no beginning and, apparently, no end.
I went up to Payson yesterday to take Mom to lunch, but really to focus again on where I’m attempting to land. It is much nicer up there right now than the heat we are having here in the valley. The only thing keeping me here is All My Stuff that I need to deal with, either trashing, donating, or in a very few cases sell. I just need to deal.
I have a history of packing up. I, with lots of help from friends, moved 3 times while living in Nashville, moved to Washington State, moved to Honduras, moved back and then out here to Phoenix. The difference this time is I’m alone. I set my own timeline on things. This isn’t good so far.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to have the dash in the RV looked at, specifically the air conditioning and also the 12V plug. I’m hoping they are just blown fuses. I’m outsourcing pretty much all of the repairs at this point just to get them finished. After that I need to get a hitch on the RV as the one there isn’t really attached properly to pull anything. It looks impressive, but is just to mount the spare tire, which currently is in the middle of the floor taking up most of the room to walk.
No calls on the mobile home yet.
I’m overwhelmed, does it show?
Thursday, May 12, 2016
The mobile is listed on Craigslist now. I keep packing smaller things away. I feel like I’m stuck in molasses. I know the only thing keeping me here in Mesa is procrastination.
The last things I need to get worked on in the RV are the dash air conditioning and the 12V cigarette lighter. The heat keeps me from working on it during the day. No excuse why I’m not out there cleaning on it after it cools down at night. I even have lights inside now that they put a battery in.
Off to call and get the recommendation for the place to work on the dash air. I should have written it down the first time.