Adjusting My Reality

I ordered a very large backpack from REI-Outlet and had it delivered to the store here for the free shipping. It came in yesterday. I had time to kill before a late call, so I actually had David from REI fit the pack to me. He filled it with fluffy weight. I was amazed when the 'pillows' he put in to fill out the pack almost pulled me over backwards when he let go and put the entire weight on the suspension of the pack I had strapped on. We weighed it when I took it off for him to make some adjustments. Mind you, I know I need to keep my pack weight down. The 23lbs I've been carrying has been child's play, I pretty much didn't feel it, at least not like I remember the backpacking trips of years ago where I would have multiple very sore spots where the pack belt and straps would rub. But, I figure if I just keep it below 35lbs I'll be fine.

This pack is not a rugged backpack. It is large, 85 liter. But it isn't a hardcore pack, and the suspension shows it. It's ok but not great. So, I knew that it wouldn't handle the very heavy weight he had put in it. When we weighed it, it was... 35lbs. That heavy brick of a pack was what 35lbs feels like. Now, I know that in a more expensive pack with better suspension I could carry 35lbs easier. But, darn. So, I'll be keeping the pack weight down even (or maybe especially) with this larger pack.

The 'big 4' weight is a benchmark in light weight packing. That is pack, shelter, sleeping bag and pad. I had figured that with the hammock, this pack, my Z-light pad and I think the lighter sub kilo 15 degree bag I was around 12lbs. Kinda on the heavy side for light-weight, but in the ballpark barely. With my much warmer North Face -20 degree bag, the Z-light, this pack and my ultra-light tent, I'm still around 12lbs. The tent is a couple of pounds lighter than my current hammock setup. So, I now have a winter setup and a spring/fall setup. From here on out it is tweaking to get lighter. I still have the ultra-light 45 liter pack, and if I go with the sub kilo bag and the ultra-light tent I have a very light setup. I am wanting to go with the hammock as much as possible, though, which is why I'm still playing with my setup.

Middle Again

It's again the middle of the month, middle of the summer, middle of my blahs. Nothing going on but work and getting on the computer most of the time I'm home, just reading about what others are getting out and doing. I haven't gone and tried to buy a new car yet, just not in the mood. I have decided to give the bees away, and will carry through with it this time. Still getting by with no air conditioning in the house, but it is getting a bit more miserable. I will give myself the option to go get a window air conditioner, it's not the money. It's this thing where I think I have to prove something. I have to not need all the fancy smancy modern technology (just don't take my computer!) that others need. I can get by in a hammock or living out of my truck or... But, I'm not doing that, either. I have the worst of both worlds, trying to hang onto this house and all it's trappings and the yard that needs tending to, but not taking the rest of the time and effort to make it really liveable.

I'm hanging on for late August. If memory serves, about the time you detect a bit of a twinge of color start creeping into the leaves and think maybe it is because of lack of rain and not impending autumn, my mind and energy and resolve will return. I was this useless last year, too, and I had a nice house that was cool. By next year I just need to plan for this, and be in a position not to need to do anything from early June till late August.

Easy Saturday

I am supposed to go car shopping today. I should be excited. I'm not. I'm not excited, and I'm not sure I'll actually go shopping. The day is young yet, we'll see. I will trade in the Stanza, if I can get it running enough to drive to the dealership. The battery is dead, not sure what else may be wrong with it. At some point I'll get dressed and spray on bug spray and wade into the weeds and run the battery charger cables out to it. I've decided to have no plan.

The problem is, the truck is getting harder to start. Not sure if it's the alternator or the starter. It's not the battery, according to Advance Auto Parts store, who would have been quite happy to sell me a new one. If I was really as gung ho as I once was, I'd pull the alternator and starter off the truck and take them in and have them tested, buy whatever was broken, and fix the darn truck myself. But, I may just take Monday off and take the truck in to have it worked on. Who knows. I'm not in the mood to make a decision.

I took a benedryl capsule last night. It mellowed me out. I slept well. And I feel good this morning. I may try that for awhile. Since I've been using the benedryl gel on my legs for the bug bites, I started feeling better. Maybe all this lethargy is really something as simple as allergies after all. Several of my friends are having depression issues lately, too. It's something to ponder, if maybe is it really a medical condition and not so much mental as we all think.

I got the yard mowed on the 4th, and it feels better driving home of an evening to see it mowed. I still have a LOT of weedwhacking to do, but all in good time. I'm still pondering how to live away from people, cheaply, and not have a lot of yard maintenance and home repair issues. Cheap housing == lot of work to fix and/or maintain and room away from people == land that usually needs some kind of maintaining. An RV in a semi-permanent park means little maintenance, but close people and small spaces. I just don't know...

I am (mostly) enjoying not having air conditioning. I have actually aclimated. I sweat now, which is a good thing really. I don't get sick in the heat like I used to. I enjoy the breeze when it happens. Yes, 90 degrees in the house when I get home isn't totally pleasant, but it's not as bad as I used to suffer getting in and out of the truck in the heat when my body craved being in air conditioning constantly. Since I work out of my truck and don't sit in the cool all day, this works for now. And, I'm enjoying the $40 electric bills instead of $100+. This is just a note to remind myself that it's not as miserable as I thought it would be, and not as miserable to me as it is to others who might visit who are not aclimated to the heat.

Day Off

It is the 4th of July, and for me it is mainly just a day off from work. Well, paid-for work anyway. I have a long list of stuff that I need to get done. My summer lack of energy/depression is in full swing. Everything seems to be so much more difficult to get done. I am barely keeping up with the urgent things that keep me alive and in my house, like paying bills and going to work and such. But, I think that most of the survival things are caught up at this point. It is now down to things like mow the yard, do paperwork for work (so I can get paid!) and things like that.

I am really, really sure now that I do not like a lot of home maintenance. I don't like yard work. I don't like working on the house. I want to travel. I want to do pretty much anything but take care of this place. Maybe it is the depression talking. But, whatever it is, it is talking loud.

I started reading some more journals of guys who are full time RV'ing. I don't know that that lifestyle is exactly what I want (can't afford it for one) but the entries about how they are going from having a full house/shop/ranch to having everything they own in a 5th wheel trailer is interesting reading. Here is the one I'm talking about: http://www.rv-boondocking-the-good-life.com/

They just went through the process in the past 2 months. Read it if you are looking for inspiration to get rid of stuff and/or simplify. He's a cowboy and has a writing style that goes for humor and entertainment as well as being informative.

I guess I should put on some long pants and go outside and start mowing. I haven't mowed in over a month. One good thing about being way back here is that no one but the neighbors I don't really like much sees my yard. However, the chiggers and ticks are bad because things are so grown up.

Stuck

I am reading blogs on my computer this morning. One of my favorites, MadcapMum finally came out of hibernation to write again. Lloyd has a wonderful writeup of his solstice paddling evening, and Earth Home Garden had a list of comic mishaps that have overtaken his mornings lately. Me? Well, I'm reading other folks' journals. Not a lot going on. My summer lack of energy and apparent inability to get anything done has kicked in. If I remember right, from my last year's journal, my mind should return to me sometime late August. For now I'm just trying to keep up with the really urgent stuff. And I'm not doing a very good job of that.

I went on the hammock hanger's campout a couple of weeks ago. I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the people and the place, which was Hot Springs, NC. The hammock and I need more time to sort things out. It was not bliss at first night, as some like to report. It wasn't bad, just not noticeably better than my tent. And, this setup is heavier than my ultra-light tent, too. However, the fun of home made gear is calling, so I may work my way into this. I have the parts now to put what is called a ring buckle system on the hammock. It is an easier way to quickly attach the hammock to the trees. It is also portable enough that I can move it to whatever hammock I end up with. It is back to learning knots for me, as when I was playing with some cord last night trying to tie them from memory, my memory didn't work well. The rings attach to the hammock with some kind of knot, and I need to play to figure out which one I want to use. This is the attraction for me, the playing around with the gear.

Time to stop reading and start moving.

Oh, and another cool thing...

Last night I met some friends for dinner. I had initiated it since I don't seem to see these folks much anymore. Besides, they helped me move, and I had never gotten back around to inviting them to dinner as a thanks (which would really just be an excuse to see them anyway). So, I pondered back and forth that I should pick up the tab, and that I didn't have to, and how I'm so used to being poor, and how I'm so tired of feeling like I don't have money when in reality I do have money in my account there just are several places I could spend it easily... I decided in the end that I wanted to treat them. I wanted and needed to feel like I could do it, and had more than enough in the account to do so. I needed to feel not poor for once.

I had a good time and enjoyed the conversation. Catching up was good. Picking up the tab and feeling like I could leave a nice tip for out enthusiastic (if inexperienced) waitress. All in all a good evening.

Today I got a totally unexpected check in the mail for almost 4 times what I spent on dinner last night. Something about an incorrect figuring in my mortgage at initiation, and figures being stated incorrectly. I'll call them about it soon to see what it was. But...

All my learning in Unity Church about not being in a 'poor' mindset, but rather being in a generous mindset, and knowing that the Universe will provide seems to be tapping me on the shoulder again. Time to look up and stop being so pathetic. I have what I need, and then some.

I'm still alive

I haven't posted in awhile. I'm ok, just going through change, and that takes a lot of energy out of me. While hiking, that morning while laying in my tent, some owls were hooting at each other around daybreak. Then, one landed in the tree above my tent - I could tell cause it made drops of water fall onto the tent - and started hooting right next to me. It was cute for a few minutes, then I wished he would go someplace else to make all that racket. Later in a journal on Trail Journals someone related that owls signify change coming. So, I've been ready for it, sort of. Nothing monumental yet. I thought I might have another job (again), but basically the conversation went along the lines of how they would really like to have me, had work for me, but can't quite justify it yet. sigh.

I probably won't post much more about the hike. It seems time to move on. I posted enough for me to remember it. This next weekend I'll be in Hot Springs, NC for a hammock hanging convention. I will hopefully learn how to hang my camping hammock and even sleep in it all weekend. I'm taking Friday off work and taking my time driving over there. I need a nice road trip. Not sure how I'll spend the majority of my time there, but I'm sure I'll have fun.

The drywall patch is up, taped and mudded on the bathroom side. I haven't put up the larger piece on the bedroom side yet. Just feel like I'm stuck in molasses with the remodel. It is progressing, but slowly. There seems to be a reason for this, but I'm not sure what it is.

My summer lack of energy is in full swing. And since Sunday I have had actual symptoms of alergies. I'm blowing my nose all day long, had a sore throat at first, and thought it was a cold. It isn't getting worse or better, so I've decided it is alergies. Makes it difficult to work, blowing my nose all day long.

I'm feeling that crowded, uncomfortable feeling that I usually feel right before big change. The smaller changes, while being entertaining, don't feel like 'it' yet. Not sure what 'it' is, but I'm starting to feel more and more ready. That is if I just had some energy.

More of the Story

I'm writing about the hike as much to put the memories down for myself as anything. So, it may be piecemeal.

Once I got to the park I checked in. I put the appropriate paperwork in view on the dash of the truck to allow it to be parked there overnight, then I grabbed my pack and hiking poles out of the back. I locked everything up, and looked back to check on it as I walked across the parking lot. It occurs to me now to wonder what the time limit on parking there free is. There was a vehicle next to mine that had a tarp over it half blown off. Wonder how long it had been there. Anyway, it was drippy and foggy all day. I stopped off at the bathrooms on the way back past the visitor's center, then walked through the archway. I wanted to make some landmark moment type of thing, but came up blank. So, I headed up. My new way of taking just baby steps, but not stopping, works well on the uphills. Part way up that first mile a couple of young guys caught up with me and stopped to rest with me. They were from the Keys in Florida, and were starting a thru hike. When I got to the parking lot at the top of Amicalola Falls they were still there. We talked some more as we got more water and hit the restrooms there. We then took each others' picture at the sign for the approach trail, and they headed off with 'see you on top'.

I got a picture of some of the signs on the trail there to show how foggy it was. The picture captured it well. I went up, and up. At one point after I got to where there are fire ring campsites I stopped to rest and water the leaves. I didn't get very far off the trail since I hadn't seen anyone in awhile. Well, of course here came some people just as I was finishing. If I hadn't had on a dark pink shirt I would have just stayed still, but I hurriedly stood up and got put back together, and said hi to them as I walked back to my pack. They stopped long enough to put pack covers on, I guess seeing mine triggered the idea. By that point it was obvious that it wasn't going to clear up any.

When I got to where Stumpknocker and I had stopped last time, these same folks had stopped for a break. I said something about being about half way. The obviously more exerienced guy kinda stopped and looked at me, but all he said was 'well, when you cross the other hiking trail you know you are making good time'. Hmmmmm.

More later....

Progress Happens

I actually worked on remodeling the house this weekend. Finally. I got the two holes in the walls of the mater bedroom/master bath cut so that I can install drywall. I added a brace on one side to attach the drywall to. A friend had told me to cut the drywall along the edge of the stud, not try to find the middle, and then put a 1X2 brace next to the stud to screw the drywall into. That is what I did on the side where the drywall spanned the stud. On the bedroom side the piece of drywall that was busted was only 16" wide, so I too the entire width of it out exposing the studs on both sides. Then, even though I measured it, it ended up I got the wrong drywall thickness. I got 1/2" instead of 3/8". At Home Depot they had 2' X 2' squares of the drywall which was much easier to work with. So, cutting on the smaller pieces was a confidence builder and not just wasted effort. I'm pretty sure I'll end up having to get the full 4' X 8' sheet of the 3/8" stuff. I have already figured out how I'll cut the 2 pieces I need. Just need to get back to a store to get it.

A lot happened lately, but I didn't have the energy to write about it. A couple of weeks ago it became obvious that it was time to let the dog go. She got injured, and I don't know if it as one of the loose dogs or whether the wooden platform she liked to crawl under fell on her. I had to lift it off of her at one point, but that may have been because she was so weak at that point. In the day I was gone to work she went downhill very fast. I had already decided that it was time to have her put to sleep, and by the next morning when I took her it was truly time. I could have taken her to a vet and gotten her medicine, but I still had no way to protect her from the other dogs. At her age, it was for the best, I keep telling myself. So, I have an igloo dog house, a 40lb bag of Science Diet food, and various leashes and tie out cables to find something to do with. I will at some point go on free cycle and advertise for a rescue place to come get them.

The next day was a huge sale at REI. I was leaving for my second attempt at the approach trail that evening, and needed a pack cover since it was rainy. Well, I spent a lot of money, but I really did only get things I had planned to get at some point. I got a new summer down bag, a headlamp that is small like Stumpknockers, a coffee filter like his (it packs much smaller than anything I had), hiking socks, a spork, and, oh yeah, a pack cover. I used everything on the hike and it all pretty much performed well.

After work I headed to N. GA to the Hiker Hostel (hikerhostel.com). Following my GPS, I questioned it a few times and ended up taking the long way when it tried to give me a shortcut. Oh, well. I got in about midnight, and Leigh was waiting up for me. I had the bunk room to myself as there was only one other person staying there and she had one of the private rooms. I was happy to find I could carry everything I had brought with me in one trip, especially since I hadn't had time to organize or pack but just threw anything I thought I might need into the truck.

Next morning I heard Leigh in the kitchen. She had the coffee on, so I went back to the room and got dressed and started laying out my stuff. I heard the other woman come down, so I grabbed my coffee mug and went out to be sociable. Josh came in from work, Leigh had made a nice breakfast, so we all sat down and talked and ate for awhile. It was nice, and the room and breakfast only cost $15 for the night. After breakfast I went back to the room and sorted gear and packed the pack. The new sleeping bag made the new pack work fine for everything I needed. For winter when I'll want my larger down bag I'll need a larger pack, but the 45 liter one is fine for now.

I was on the trail by 9:30, after getting lost driving to Amicalola State Park. Well, not lost, I just thought I must have driven past it. The GPS came to my rescue again, telling me it was still 5 miles down the road.

Time to get ready for work, so I'll write more about the hike later...

Long Time No Post

I've been in hermit mode. Change has been happening, but nothing that I was ready to talk about. Not that it's any huge deal, just processing as I go along and staying to myself as much as possible. Hopefully after this weekend I'll have some concrete progress to report. That is some of my motivation to actually do the things that I have on my to do list.