Saturday, May 31, 2014

Not Reinvented Yet

It has been suggested that I should post that I'm fine and the guns are still in the closet. Not that I have guns, but that I haven't gone postal or anything. I keep meaning to post about the progress on the baby blanket that is almost finished, but haven't gotten it together to take a picture yet. I'm walking 4 days out of 5 at least a mile, although I've moved into the workout room at the park and to a treadmill because even at 5:30am (right after daybreak) it is already too hot for me to want to walk outside. Work is still in a holding pattern.

I still don't feel comfortable in my clothes. The jeans I bought several weeks back have shrunk up and are too short, above my ankle bone, so 3 of the 5 pairs should be donated. I'm going to look in the thrift shop next time, as those jeans should have shrunk up as much as they are going to. The next phase, as I continue to move through my clothes, is to also start on the boxes and boxes of papers I have stashed in corners and under tables. That will get moving in earnest during the next string of days off. Lots of scanning and shredding to do.

I'm still pondering things like priorities and where I am (mentally, physically, geographically) vs. where I think I want to be, and ways to get there. The cats are doing fine. I'm doing mostly ok with them. The smaller one is still wayyy to energetic and gets into everything and up on everything. They both use the litter box 100%, and other than paper don't destroy anything, so while I'm sure Rasta (the small one) thinks his name is 'GET DOWN FROM THERE!!!' mostly I'm enjoying them.

Monday, May 12, 2014


The trip to Las Vegas helped me step back to a longer range view of my current life. I watched the people passing by when I would sit. There are a lot of people passing by on the Strip, and along corridors in the Hotels and casinos. I was looking for a 'look', an attitude, and style that I could use as a starting point. I saw a lot of diversity in fashion, ages, levels of dress. I didn't see a lot that did much for me, as in made me think I wanted to try to copy it or use it to start my new look or lifestyle. As far as clothing, I did find that when the clothes fit the person, size-wise, no matter the person's age, gender, or level of dressiness, the outfit 'worked'.

Most of us seem to still be trying to fit into clothes that don't work for us anymore. And, of course, clothes are more than a metaphor, mostly the most obvious level of change in my life right now. I've lived for the past several years where under 90 degrees is chilly and under 70 degrees has me pulling out a coat and turning on the heat in the Jeep as I drive to work. Between my time in Honduras and now living in Phoenix most of my heavier clothing is 10-20 years old. It is tight, and not appropriate for my current lifestyle. It is difficult to get rid of closets full of clothes for me, though. I'm working my way through it.

Pretty much all of my large stash of makeup is over 5 years old, a lot of it older than that. I don't wear makeup anymore. It will go at some point. Along with my admission that I just don't care to try that hard anymore to 'look the look'. A lot of my more professional clothing has already gone away, but even the few things I've kept are probably out of style. They are on the list of things to try on and make decisions on.

It is a work in progress, as I try to figure out what I want my life to look like now.

Thursday, May 01, 2014

My clothes don't fit

Not just size, but nothing feels right.  I'm changing, although not in ways that are obvious.  I realize it by the external evidence.  Nothing feels right when I put it on.  Nothing looks right.  People relate to me differently lately.  I am not interested in some of the things I used to be interested in, and I'm not finding a lot to take the place of those interesting things in my life. I'm not sure what I'll be like on the other side of this, but I wish it would materialize already.

I'm taking the opportunity to continue to unpack.  Just today as I was going through the extra luggage... what?  You don't have extra luggage.  Well, I have a luggage facination, so I have lots.  And inside of some of this luggage, that was packed away in a large plastic tote, were some of the clothes I've vaguely wondered about.  So, now I have piles of more clothes to figure out where to put them away.  Some I need to try on.  The pants, I'm thinking that they were put back for a reason, but darned if I can remember why.  This is why I'm trying to unpack everything and go through it, I tend to stash items inside other items and forget where I put them.

That's what has been going on.  Vague discomfort, my world feeling tilted and trying to not fight it and let the way out suggest itself.  Work is still in a holding pattern.  I tend to walk around there angry as often as not, mostly because I can't get comfortable and make a plan.  No one seems to know what is going on.  So, I'm headed to Las Vegas again next week on my days off.  I need a change in perspective.