Slowly some of the things are getting done around here. The heat makes it difficult. It's been over 100 degrees every day for 2 weeks or more. I did finally break down and get a small window air conditioner unit for the bedroom. The cat was getting sick, being in the hot house all day. That is getting better, too. Now, if the weather would just break and it get at least somewhat cooler.
I'm waiting to see if Buddy is coming over this morning to start the movement of equipment and such to take over the bees. I'm finally giving them away. He has no air conditioning in his truck, so I'm thinking he won't make it this morning. We can't move the bees in this heat, but I was hoping to start some of the equipment on it's way out of here. Ah, well, all in good time.
The new job is still in process. This is a good thing since I don't make major shifts in reality quickly and well. One or the other, quickly or well. I have the paperwork in, but now the immediate supervisor is out of town for a week. Fine with me, gives me time to ponder and figure out just what changes will need to be made. Even if I don't get this particular job this is a good thing for me to be doing right now. As I move bee equipment out of the storage building I will move things from in the house out there. Clearing out and cleaning. Moving some of the stale energy around. Hopefully getting rid of some things in the process.
Looking way off over the horizon, this job could potentially kick me into what I've been saying I want, selling this place and getting an RV or houseboat and living like that. The river is not far from the home base of this job. An RV could maybe be taken on some of the travel locations for housing. Of course, till I know more about all this I can't really say what I will need to do. It is interesting to look around and think about what I would actually pay to store and what isn't worth paying folding money to keep. Helps with the clearing out process.
So that is what's going on around here. Lots of laying by the air conditioner, pondering, and some sorting and getting rid of things.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Divine Insecurity
I've mentioned Lloyd Kahn's blog here before. I really, really enjoy reading his takes on life and what he's doing. It's at http://lloydkahn-ongoing.blogspot.com/ . The latest thing he wrote that has me pondering is this:
Heard Baryshnikov on the radio yesterday, talking about doing a performance in front of a screen showing him dancing when in his 20s, dancing with an image of himself when 40 years younger. The interviewer asked him about dancing these days, was he worried about performing? He said he liked the pressure, the challenge, and the "divine insecurity" of trying something difficult…
That phrase, divine insecurity, is a good way to describe the pull of trying new things, pushing past everyday routine. It is something that I struggle with, constantly trying new things and then pulling back into the security of what I already know. Sometimes when going into that insecure area I find my limits. This house would be one of those. It is beyond my current ability to work on remodeling it. Maybe when the weather cools down again. Sometimes when I'm in the insecure world I find new things that I incorporate into my life with glee. A lot of times I just run back to routine and safety after a bit to look back out on my recent adventures and lick my wounds and ponder if I learned anything from it.
I may be about to jump into that Divine Insecurity with a vengeance. I am trying for a new job. These folks already (hopefully only half-) kiddingly asked when I can start. I said 2 weeks. My mom was surprised that I would give 2 weeks notice at my current contract. I said, no, 1 week notice and a week to get my life organized. This job would be almost all travel, for weeks at a time. Most likely making enough money to save up for my AT hike in a few years. And, pushing everything I ever knew about computers, servers, software, network administration, and training to limits I've not done before. I'm reaching for the ginkgo biloba as I type (the mind needs all the help it can get to cram new info into it).
I don't know what I'll do about the house, the cat, about much of any of my life as it currently is. I'm not going to get wild about changes until I have an offer in hand. But, the thinking about making the leap is getting me excited and blowing life into the stale energy around here.
Heard Baryshnikov on the radio yesterday, talking about doing a performance in front of a screen showing him dancing when in his 20s, dancing with an image of himself when 40 years younger. The interviewer asked him about dancing these days, was he worried about performing? He said he liked the pressure, the challenge, and the "divine insecurity" of trying something difficult…
That phrase, divine insecurity, is a good way to describe the pull of trying new things, pushing past everyday routine. It is something that I struggle with, constantly trying new things and then pulling back into the security of what I already know. Sometimes when going into that insecure area I find my limits. This house would be one of those. It is beyond my current ability to work on remodeling it. Maybe when the weather cools down again. Sometimes when I'm in the insecure world I find new things that I incorporate into my life with glee. A lot of times I just run back to routine and safety after a bit to look back out on my recent adventures and lick my wounds and ponder if I learned anything from it.
I may be about to jump into that Divine Insecurity with a vengeance. I am trying for a new job. These folks already (hopefully only half-) kiddingly asked when I can start. I said 2 weeks. My mom was surprised that I would give 2 weeks notice at my current contract. I said, no, 1 week notice and a week to get my life organized. This job would be almost all travel, for weeks at a time. Most likely making enough money to save up for my AT hike in a few years. And, pushing everything I ever knew about computers, servers, software, network administration, and training to limits I've not done before. I'm reaching for the ginkgo biloba as I type (the mind needs all the help it can get to cram new info into it).
I don't know what I'll do about the house, the cat, about much of any of my life as it currently is. I'm not going to get wild about changes until I have an offer in hand. But, the thinking about making the leap is getting me excited and blowing life into the stale energy around here.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Human Nature
I went up to KY on a call this afternoon. My usual cheap (Flying J) gas station is at that exit. The one nearest the interstate is the cheapest, with the one a bit further down the road (Pilot) being usually a couple of cents higher per gallon. I've been paying around $2.80+/- 10 cents/gallon lately. On the way home I started to pull into the cheaper gas station to fill up. There was a traffic jam, folks liked up like sardines at every pump, and so packed that there was a line on the road just to get in. I don't get into that kind of chaos for any amount of money. So, I did a U turn and headed for the other station. I looked and the cheap price was $2.51/gal which I guess warrants that kind of mob for those who value their time and nerves less than I do. So, I go a quarter mile up the road, still within sight of the interstate, to the other station. The price difference? It was $2.53/gal, just 2 cents difference and within sight. I drove in, right up to a pump, and filled up with no waiting. What some folks will do for $.02/gal. With that many folks there had to be some of them who are local and know that the two stations are never that far apart in price. Oh, the BP station across the street? It was $2.89/gal, and no one was there...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Adjusting My Reality
I ordered a very large backpack from REI-Outlet and had it delivered to the store here for the free shipping. It came in yesterday. I had time to kill before a late call, so I actually had David from REI fit the pack to me. He filled it with fluffy weight. I was amazed when the 'pillows' he put in to fill out the pack almost pulled me over backwards when he let go and put the entire weight on the suspension of the pack I had strapped on. We weighed it when I took it off for him to make some adjustments. Mind you, I know I need to keep my pack weight down. The 23lbs I've been carrying has been child's play, I pretty much didn't feel it, at least not like I remember the backpacking trips of years ago where I would have multiple very sore spots where the pack belt and straps would rub. But, I figure if I just keep it below 35lbs I'll be fine.
This pack is not a rugged backpack. It is large, 85 liter. But it isn't a hardcore pack, and the suspension shows it. It's ok but not great. So, I knew that it wouldn't handle the very heavy weight he had put in it. When we weighed it, it was... 35lbs. That heavy brick of a pack was what 35lbs feels like. Now, I know that in a more expensive pack with better suspension I could carry 35lbs easier. But, darn. So, I'll be keeping the pack weight down even (or maybe especially) with this larger pack.
The 'big 4' weight is a benchmark in light weight packing. That is pack, shelter, sleeping bag and pad. I had figured that with the hammock, this pack, my Z-light pad and I think the lighter sub kilo 15 degree bag I was around 12lbs. Kinda on the heavy side for light-weight, but in the ballpark barely. With my much warmer North Face -20 degree bag, the Z-light, this pack and my ultra-light tent, I'm still around 12lbs. The tent is a couple of pounds lighter than my current hammock setup. So, I now have a winter setup and a spring/fall setup. From here on out it is tweaking to get lighter. I still have the ultra-light 45 liter pack, and if I go with the sub kilo bag and the ultra-light tent I have a very light setup. I am wanting to go with the hammock as much as possible, though, which is why I'm still playing with my setup.
This pack is not a rugged backpack. It is large, 85 liter. But it isn't a hardcore pack, and the suspension shows it. It's ok but not great. So, I knew that it wouldn't handle the very heavy weight he had put in it. When we weighed it, it was... 35lbs. That heavy brick of a pack was what 35lbs feels like. Now, I know that in a more expensive pack with better suspension I could carry 35lbs easier. But, darn. So, I'll be keeping the pack weight down even (or maybe especially) with this larger pack.
The 'big 4' weight is a benchmark in light weight packing. That is pack, shelter, sleeping bag and pad. I had figured that with the hammock, this pack, my Z-light pad and I think the lighter sub kilo 15 degree bag I was around 12lbs. Kinda on the heavy side for light-weight, but in the ballpark barely. With my much warmer North Face -20 degree bag, the Z-light, this pack and my ultra-light tent, I'm still around 12lbs. The tent is a couple of pounds lighter than my current hammock setup. So, I now have a winter setup and a spring/fall setup. From here on out it is tweaking to get lighter. I still have the ultra-light 45 liter pack, and if I go with the sub kilo bag and the ultra-light tent I have a very light setup. I am wanting to go with the hammock as much as possible, though, which is why I'm still playing with my setup.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Middle Again
It's again the middle of the month, middle of the summer, middle of my blahs. Nothing going on but work and getting on the computer most of the time I'm home, just reading about what others are getting out and doing. I haven't gone and tried to buy a new car yet, just not in the mood. I have decided to give the bees away, and will carry through with it this time. Still getting by with no air conditioning in the house, but it is getting a bit more miserable. I will give myself the option to go get a window air conditioner, it's not the money. It's this thing where I think I have to prove something. I have to not need all the fancy smancy modern technology (just don't take my computer!) that others need. I can get by in a hammock or living out of my truck or... But, I'm not doing that, either. I have the worst of both worlds, trying to hang onto this house and all it's trappings and the yard that needs tending to, but not taking the rest of the time and effort to make it really liveable.
I'm hanging on for late August. If memory serves, about the time you detect a bit of a twinge of color start creeping into the leaves and think maybe it is because of lack of rain and not impending autumn, my mind and energy and resolve will return. I was this useless last year, too, and I had a nice house that was cool. By next year I just need to plan for this, and be in a position not to need to do anything from early June till late August.
I'm hanging on for late August. If memory serves, about the time you detect a bit of a twinge of color start creeping into the leaves and think maybe it is because of lack of rain and not impending autumn, my mind and energy and resolve will return. I was this useless last year, too, and I had a nice house that was cool. By next year I just need to plan for this, and be in a position not to need to do anything from early June till late August.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Easy Saturday
I am supposed to go car shopping today. I should be excited. I'm not. I'm not excited, and I'm not sure I'll actually go shopping. The day is young yet, we'll see. I will trade in the Stanza, if I can get it running enough to drive to the dealership. The battery is dead, not sure what else may be wrong with it. At some point I'll get dressed and spray on bug spray and wade into the weeds and run the battery charger cables out to it. I've decided to have no plan.
The problem is, the truck is getting harder to start. Not sure if it's the alternator or the starter. It's not the battery, according to Advance Auto Parts store, who would have been quite happy to sell me a new one. If I was really as gung ho as I once was, I'd pull the alternator and starter off the truck and take them in and have them tested, buy whatever was broken, and fix the darn truck myself. But, I may just take Monday off and take the truck in to have it worked on. Who knows. I'm not in the mood to make a decision.
I took a benedryl capsule last night. It mellowed me out. I slept well. And I feel good this morning. I may try that for awhile. Since I've been using the benedryl gel on my legs for the bug bites, I started feeling better. Maybe all this lethargy is really something as simple as allergies after all. Several of my friends are having depression issues lately, too. It's something to ponder, if maybe is it really a medical condition and not so much mental as we all think.
I got the yard mowed on the 4th, and it feels better driving home of an evening to see it mowed. I still have a LOT of weedwhacking to do, but all in good time. I'm still pondering how to live away from people, cheaply, and not have a lot of yard maintenance and home repair issues. Cheap housing == lot of work to fix and/or maintain and room away from people == land that usually needs some kind of maintaining. An RV in a semi-permanent park means little maintenance, but close people and small spaces. I just don't know...
I am (mostly) enjoying not having air conditioning. I have actually aclimated. I sweat now, which is a good thing really. I don't get sick in the heat like I used to. I enjoy the breeze when it happens. Yes, 90 degrees in the house when I get home isn't totally pleasant, but it's not as bad as I used to suffer getting in and out of the truck in the heat when my body craved being in air conditioning constantly. Since I work out of my truck and don't sit in the cool all day, this works for now. And, I'm enjoying the $40 electric bills instead of $100+. This is just a note to remind myself that it's not as miserable as I thought it would be, and not as miserable to me as it is to others who might visit who are not aclimated to the heat.
The problem is, the truck is getting harder to start. Not sure if it's the alternator or the starter. It's not the battery, according to Advance Auto Parts store, who would have been quite happy to sell me a new one. If I was really as gung ho as I once was, I'd pull the alternator and starter off the truck and take them in and have them tested, buy whatever was broken, and fix the darn truck myself. But, I may just take Monday off and take the truck in to have it worked on. Who knows. I'm not in the mood to make a decision.
I took a benedryl capsule last night. It mellowed me out. I slept well. And I feel good this morning. I may try that for awhile. Since I've been using the benedryl gel on my legs for the bug bites, I started feeling better. Maybe all this lethargy is really something as simple as allergies after all. Several of my friends are having depression issues lately, too. It's something to ponder, if maybe is it really a medical condition and not so much mental as we all think.
I got the yard mowed on the 4th, and it feels better driving home of an evening to see it mowed. I still have a LOT of weedwhacking to do, but all in good time. I'm still pondering how to live away from people, cheaply, and not have a lot of yard maintenance and home repair issues. Cheap housing == lot of work to fix and/or maintain and room away from people == land that usually needs some kind of maintaining. An RV in a semi-permanent park means little maintenance, but close people and small spaces. I just don't know...
I am (mostly) enjoying not having air conditioning. I have actually aclimated. I sweat now, which is a good thing really. I don't get sick in the heat like I used to. I enjoy the breeze when it happens. Yes, 90 degrees in the house when I get home isn't totally pleasant, but it's not as bad as I used to suffer getting in and out of the truck in the heat when my body craved being in air conditioning constantly. Since I work out of my truck and don't sit in the cool all day, this works for now. And, I'm enjoying the $40 electric bills instead of $100+. This is just a note to remind myself that it's not as miserable as I thought it would be, and not as miserable to me as it is to others who might visit who are not aclimated to the heat.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Day Off
It is the 4th of July, and for me it is mainly just a day off from work. Well, paid-for work anyway. I have a long list of stuff that I need to get done. My summer lack of energy/depression is in full swing. Everything seems to be so much more difficult to get done. I am barely keeping up with the urgent things that keep me alive and in my house, like paying bills and going to work and such. But, I think that most of the survival things are caught up at this point. It is now down to things like mow the yard, do paperwork for work (so I can get paid!) and things like that.
I am really, really sure now that I do not like a lot of home maintenance. I don't like yard work. I don't like working on the house. I want to travel. I want to do pretty much anything but take care of this place. Maybe it is the depression talking. But, whatever it is, it is talking loud.
I started reading some more journals of guys who are full time RV'ing. I don't know that that lifestyle is exactly what I want (can't afford it for one) but the entries about how they are going from having a full house/shop/ranch to having everything they own in a 5th wheel trailer is interesting reading. Here is the one I'm talking about: http://www.rv-boondocking-the-good-life.com/
They just went through the process in the past 2 months. Read it if you are looking for inspiration to get rid of stuff and/or simplify. He's a cowboy and has a writing style that goes for humor and entertainment as well as being informative.
I guess I should put on some long pants and go outside and start mowing. I haven't mowed in over a month. One good thing about being way back here is that no one but the neighbors I don't really like much sees my yard. However, the chiggers and ticks are bad because things are so grown up.
I am really, really sure now that I do not like a lot of home maintenance. I don't like yard work. I don't like working on the house. I want to travel. I want to do pretty much anything but take care of this place. Maybe it is the depression talking. But, whatever it is, it is talking loud.
I started reading some more journals of guys who are full time RV'ing. I don't know that that lifestyle is exactly what I want (can't afford it for one) but the entries about how they are going from having a full house/shop/ranch to having everything they own in a 5th wheel trailer is interesting reading. Here is the one I'm talking about: http://www.rv-boondocking-the-good-life.com/
They just went through the process in the past 2 months. Read it if you are looking for inspiration to get rid of stuff and/or simplify. He's a cowboy and has a writing style that goes for humor and entertainment as well as being informative.
I guess I should put on some long pants and go outside and start mowing. I haven't mowed in over a month. One good thing about being way back here is that no one but the neighbors I don't really like much sees my yard. However, the chiggers and ticks are bad because things are so grown up.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Stuck
I am reading blogs on my computer this morning. One of my favorites, MadcapMum finally came out of hibernation to write again. Lloyd has a wonderful writeup of his solstice paddling evening, and Earth Home Garden had a list of comic mishaps that have overtaken his mornings lately. Me? Well, I'm reading other folks' journals. Not a lot going on. My summer lack of energy and apparent inability to get anything done has kicked in. If I remember right, from my last year's journal, my mind should return to me sometime late August. For now I'm just trying to keep up with the really urgent stuff. And I'm not doing a very good job of that.
I went on the hammock hanger's campout a couple of weeks ago. I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the people and the place, which was Hot Springs, NC. The hammock and I need more time to sort things out. It was not bliss at first night, as some like to report. It wasn't bad, just not noticeably better than my tent. And, this setup is heavier than my ultra-light tent, too. However, the fun of home made gear is calling, so I may work my way into this. I have the parts now to put what is called a ring buckle system on the hammock. It is an easier way to quickly attach the hammock to the trees. It is also portable enough that I can move it to whatever hammock I end up with. It is back to learning knots for me, as when I was playing with some cord last night trying to tie them from memory, my memory didn't work well. The rings attach to the hammock with some kind of knot, and I need to play to figure out which one I want to use. This is the attraction for me, the playing around with the gear.
Time to stop reading and start moving.
I went on the hammock hanger's campout a couple of weeks ago. I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the people and the place, which was Hot Springs, NC. The hammock and I need more time to sort things out. It was not bliss at first night, as some like to report. It wasn't bad, just not noticeably better than my tent. And, this setup is heavier than my ultra-light tent, too. However, the fun of home made gear is calling, so I may work my way into this. I have the parts now to put what is called a ring buckle system on the hammock. It is an easier way to quickly attach the hammock to the trees. It is also portable enough that I can move it to whatever hammock I end up with. It is back to learning knots for me, as when I was playing with some cord last night trying to tie them from memory, my memory didn't work well. The rings attach to the hammock with some kind of knot, and I need to play to figure out which one I want to use. This is the attraction for me, the playing around with the gear.
Time to stop reading and start moving.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Oh, and another cool thing...
Last night I met some friends for dinner. I had initiated it since I don't seem to see these folks much anymore. Besides, they helped me move, and I had never gotten back around to inviting them to dinner as a thanks (which would really just be an excuse to see them anyway). So, I pondered back and forth that I should pick up the tab, and that I didn't have to, and how I'm so used to being poor, and how I'm so tired of feeling like I don't have money when in reality I do have money in my account there just are several places I could spend it easily... I decided in the end that I wanted to treat them. I wanted and needed to feel like I could do it, and had more than enough in the account to do so. I needed to feel not poor for once.
I had a good time and enjoyed the conversation. Catching up was good. Picking up the tab and feeling like I could leave a nice tip for out enthusiastic (if inexperienced) waitress. All in all a good evening.
Today I got a totally unexpected check in the mail for almost 4 times what I spent on dinner last night. Something about an incorrect figuring in my mortgage at initiation, and figures being stated incorrectly. I'll call them about it soon to see what it was. But...
All my learning in Unity Church about not being in a 'poor' mindset, but rather being in a generous mindset, and knowing that the Universe will provide seems to be tapping me on the shoulder again. Time to look up and stop being so pathetic. I have what I need, and then some.
I had a good time and enjoyed the conversation. Catching up was good. Picking up the tab and feeling like I could leave a nice tip for out enthusiastic (if inexperienced) waitress. All in all a good evening.
Today I got a totally unexpected check in the mail for almost 4 times what I spent on dinner last night. Something about an incorrect figuring in my mortgage at initiation, and figures being stated incorrectly. I'll call them about it soon to see what it was. But...
All my learning in Unity Church about not being in a 'poor' mindset, but rather being in a generous mindset, and knowing that the Universe will provide seems to be tapping me on the shoulder again. Time to look up and stop being so pathetic. I have what I need, and then some.
I'm still alive
I haven't posted in awhile. I'm ok, just going through change, and that takes a lot of energy out of me. While hiking, that morning while laying in my tent, some owls were hooting at each other around daybreak. Then, one landed in the tree above my tent - I could tell cause it made drops of water fall onto the tent - and started hooting right next to me. It was cute for a few minutes, then I wished he would go someplace else to make all that racket. Later in a journal on Trail Journals someone related that owls signify change coming. So, I've been ready for it, sort of. Nothing monumental yet. I thought I might have another job (again), but basically the conversation went along the lines of how they would really like to have me, had work for me, but can't quite justify it yet. sigh.
I probably won't post much more about the hike. It seems time to move on. I posted enough for me to remember it. This next weekend I'll be in Hot Springs, NC for a hammock hanging convention. I will hopefully learn how to hang my camping hammock and even sleep in it all weekend. I'm taking Friday off work and taking my time driving over there. I need a nice road trip. Not sure how I'll spend the majority of my time there, but I'm sure I'll have fun.
The drywall patch is up, taped and mudded on the bathroom side. I haven't put up the larger piece on the bedroom side yet. Just feel like I'm stuck in molasses with the remodel. It is progressing, but slowly. There seems to be a reason for this, but I'm not sure what it is.
My summer lack of energy is in full swing. And since Sunday I have had actual symptoms of alergies. I'm blowing my nose all day long, had a sore throat at first, and thought it was a cold. It isn't getting worse or better, so I've decided it is alergies. Makes it difficult to work, blowing my nose all day long.
I'm feeling that crowded, uncomfortable feeling that I usually feel right before big change. The smaller changes, while being entertaining, don't feel like 'it' yet. Not sure what 'it' is, but I'm starting to feel more and more ready. That is if I just had some energy.
I probably won't post much more about the hike. It seems time to move on. I posted enough for me to remember it. This next weekend I'll be in Hot Springs, NC for a hammock hanging convention. I will hopefully learn how to hang my camping hammock and even sleep in it all weekend. I'm taking Friday off work and taking my time driving over there. I need a nice road trip. Not sure how I'll spend the majority of my time there, but I'm sure I'll have fun.
The drywall patch is up, taped and mudded on the bathroom side. I haven't put up the larger piece on the bedroom side yet. Just feel like I'm stuck in molasses with the remodel. It is progressing, but slowly. There seems to be a reason for this, but I'm not sure what it is.
My summer lack of energy is in full swing. And since Sunday I have had actual symptoms of alergies. I'm blowing my nose all day long, had a sore throat at first, and thought it was a cold. It isn't getting worse or better, so I've decided it is alergies. Makes it difficult to work, blowing my nose all day long.
I'm feeling that crowded, uncomfortable feeling that I usually feel right before big change. The smaller changes, while being entertaining, don't feel like 'it' yet. Not sure what 'it' is, but I'm starting to feel more and more ready. That is if I just had some energy.
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