Controling what I can control

Given that my life will be turned upside down (again) when I go on days in August, I decided the only thing I can do is exercise control over those things I can control.  I was (am?) tired of my body hurting when I moved very much at all.  I was backing away from things because I was afraid to put my back all the way out instead of just hurting a little as it was every day.  So, I joined Planet Fitness.  I joined that gym for several reasons.  No contract, low buy-out fee, gyms near both where I live and where I work that are open 24 hrs., and low monthly fee.  Gypsy (On the Road Again) has been my inspiration (see side bar) for just how much better life can be if I just take control.  Also, when I started back walking every day my back pain started to minimize.  So far so good.  I've gone 3 times, and the constant pain is pretty much gone.  I'm easing up to the machines, but so far so good.

Also, like most everyone on the internet I've been reading a lot about the decluttering and storage methods of Marie Kondo.  I haven't read the actual book yet.  She recommends putting all of a like item (such as ALL your clothes) in a pile and picking up each item and asking if it sparks joy.  I haven't gotten that courageous (or fool-hardy!) yet, but I did fold all my tshirts the way she recommends and it does make a difference.  For one thing, I can see each and every one of them when I open the drawer.  It makes me feel more at choice which one I decide to wear that day.  It isn't just what was on the top layer.

The decluttering is part of a deeper plan to get free of having so much stuff.  The amount of stuff I own has driven so many of my life decisions in a direction that wasn't optimal for what I really wanted.  Stuff costs money to own.  It costs emotional energy to maintain and store.  So, I'm in deep decluttering mode in order to move forward.   A friend at work has a place to donate household goods so I'll be going through all my cookware, pots, pans and skillets , mixing and storage bowls, spatulas and mixing spoons, small appliances, and so forth.  I have a lot.  Hopefully within the next few weeks I'll have less.

All this is part of the plan not to be dependent on work.  As I get rid of stuff I can look into being more mobile.  As I sort and shred paperwork I can clear my mind and get my resume and job-seeking skills honed.  I'll control those things I can control as I move towards moving to a space of choice rather than a space of taking whatever I can get.

Still kerfluffering

About the time I thought things were settling back towards the middle again, a new wrinkle has appeared.  I'm being moved to days, weekdays at that.  I'm not to see it as a punishment, but an 'opportunity'.  Right.  Turn my world upside down and expect me to act grateful.  I am on nights to get away from a mid-level manager I do not get along with.  He likes to prod me and pick fights.  Things settled down when I got away from working with him at all.  Now they are making me go back.  But, it is not a punishment.

I am looking around for more stuff to get rid of.  Looking for more ways to save money to pay off the debt.  I am about a year from being really able to make a move.  I hate being this vulnerable, work enjoys that they have me caught by the... uh... have me caught.  I will work on my resume tomorrow night.  I have been spitting mad for 4 days, my eyes burn like I've been crying except it is that I am just so livid.  I made myself sick the last night of work this week.  My partner is going to try to push to keep me on his shift as we work well together.  However, the powers that are want to show me they can, uh, mess with me whenever they want.  I don't hold much hope.

So, I haven't posted, until now.  I'm still so angry. 

Just when I think things are going ok

A kerfluffle in the works.  Nothing major, but request good thoughts.  I'm getting tired of how difficult all this work stuff gets over stupid things, but that is how it goes these days, I guess.  More push for me to just get rid of things and downsize again, this time to an RV.  Pondering retirement as a real option.  Not sure how realistic it is right now, but folks are living on less than I have.  Hope this is just a dip in a life that was starting to get settled in for once.  I have on 'good authority' that 'no one' will hire me because I'm 60yo now.  May have to test that opinion that was handed to me as a bald fact.  I'm just tired of the games.

Not one of my better posts.