This is my last Saturday morning at home for awhile. I have unloaded the things out of the back of the truck that need to stay here, and loaded most of the trash to take to the dump in a bit. I have laundry started. I have sat down for some coffee.
Still on the agenda is, uhh, packing. I leave early, like a 6am flight, on Monday. I'm going to just see how difficult it will be to only have one 50lb suitcase. I will most likely end up with two, but with the airlines charging for even the first checked bag I'll give it a good attempt anyway. The company reimburses us for the baggage charges at least. I need to take recyclables (still haven't done that...) and then clean the kitchen and mop and clean the bathroom and go from there.
The temperature has broken a bit, which explains why I'm actually getting some things done, like unloading and loading the truck. I truly don't do anything when it's hot, inside or out. This is something I need to plan for every year, no projects in July or early August. I will only be home for 2 weeks in September, then off again. So, this weekend is really my time to make some progress. In the trash are some things that have been sitting around waiting for I'm not sure what for me to get rid of. I am cutting down a bit below the daily cleanup at least.
Phil is back at work, Shiloh is almost done with the trail. Things are winding down, or up, or at least changing. Just this morning I still looked around for the cat before closing a closet door. I sometimes still scooch over when sitting down in my chair so there will be room for him to jump up when he wanders over. While driving at lunch yesterday I was pondering what I need to get done before leaving town, and I had a moment of panic when I sensed that changes have been initiated that are now out of my control. At this point, though, there is nothing to do but continue on.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Animal-less
My first week without a four footed furry companion has passed. This is the first time since 1974 that I don't have either a dog or cat, and usually both. I have had most of my animals, and all of my cats, at least 10 years each. The cat I got as a kitten in '74, Cammy, lived to be 16. I already had gotten a kitten a couple of years before she died, named Peeko. When he had to be put down due to genetic health issues, I went a couple of months without a cat, although I had my dog Cindi. The mice started moving in, and I just plain wanted a cat again. I went to the humane society and found Bazil.
Now, my life is such that I'm not home enough to feel comfortable getting a new cat. I leave again August 11 for 3 weeks, home for 2 weeks, and gone again for 3 weeks. I don't want to bring a new cat home and then leave. Not enough time to bond, not enough time for the cat to be secure before I head out. Not sure what the next few years will bring. I'm taking it as it happens.
I started working on the baby afghan again for my co-worker. I had meant to finish it last weekend. After Bazil died I just didn't have the heart for much of anything. The goal is 30 rows each today and tomorrow, 10-12 each evening till it's done. I made my 12 rows last night.
It is depressing to me that the fluffs of cat hair that I swept up from corners and along walls last weekend have stayed clean all week. I think I know now why too clean houses depress me.
Now, my life is such that I'm not home enough to feel comfortable getting a new cat. I leave again August 11 for 3 weeks, home for 2 weeks, and gone again for 3 weeks. I don't want to bring a new cat home and then leave. Not enough time to bond, not enough time for the cat to be secure before I head out. Not sure what the next few years will bring. I'm taking it as it happens.
I started working on the baby afghan again for my co-worker. I had meant to finish it last weekend. After Bazil died I just didn't have the heart for much of anything. The goal is 30 rows each today and tomorrow, 10-12 each evening till it's done. I made my 12 rows last night.
It is depressing to me that the fluffs of cat hair that I swept up from corners and along walls last weekend have stayed clean all week. I think I know now why too clean houses depress me.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
End of an Era
In my quest to become the new me, I'm letting a lot of my past go, in that it is represented by the stuff that I acquired during those times. There is a lot to pare down. One thing I wasn't ready to let go of, though, just passed from my life. My cat, Bazil, died this morning around 10:30 am. He had been sick since Wednesday evening, at least that's when he got my attention about it. I took him to the vet on Thursday, spent $450+ getting tests and such done and was sent home with some antibiotic pills and told it was pneumonia and it might take 2-3 days for there to be an improvement. He got worse, his lungs filling up. The vet wanted a few hundred dollars more in tests because the xray had shown an enlarged heart. We decided to wait to cure the pneumonia first. His lungs kept filling with fluid, and he kept clearing them. I was up with him all night because he could lay with his head on my leg and it helped him breathe. In the end the fluid filled his lungs faster than he could get rid of it. I'm trying very hard not to coulda/shoulda/woulda and just know that I did the best I knew how.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Still the Same Changes
Things swung back around at work, and the week ended ok. I'm getting along with everyone again, even my boss. The 3 day weekend is almost over. I helped Mom get a new flat panel TV and also a flat screen computer monitor. I wanted to put money with what she had to pay some back presents I didn't get because I didn't know what to get. She wouldn't let me. I set everything up and left. That is basically all I accomplished this weekend.
I am still ongoing with sorting and getting rid of things around here. But it goes slowly. I just have no enthusiasm or energy. This is the same as every year around the middle of summer. It would be better if I was to go on a fielding this month as originally planned. I'll be here this month now, and gone in August instead. Oh, well.
Heard from Phil tonight. He's doing really well, and going back to work soon. I'm not sure he thought at the start of this that he would ever be back at work. So, as usual he's beating the odds. Even a cat only has 9 lives, so I hope he stops using them up so quickly as he has been the past couple of years.
Zak had come off the AT a couple of weeks ago, bored and not liking the northern sections nearly as much as he had the southern sections. He has now decided that he likes being back in civilization less, and is headed back to the trail next weekend. He and I will get together Tuesday evening downtown to hang out before he leaves.
And, that is pretty much all the news around here right now.
I am still ongoing with sorting and getting rid of things around here. But it goes slowly. I just have no enthusiasm or energy. This is the same as every year around the middle of summer. It would be better if I was to go on a fielding this month as originally planned. I'll be here this month now, and gone in August instead. Oh, well.
Heard from Phil tonight. He's doing really well, and going back to work soon. I'm not sure he thought at the start of this that he would ever be back at work. So, as usual he's beating the odds. Even a cat only has 9 lives, so I hope he stops using them up so quickly as he has been the past couple of years.
Zak had come off the AT a couple of weeks ago, bored and not liking the northern sections nearly as much as he had the southern sections. He has now decided that he likes being back in civilization less, and is headed back to the trail next weekend. He and I will get together Tuesday evening downtown to hang out before he leaves.
And, that is pretty much all the news around here right now.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Living
While driving from work to a hiker get together that I organized (that overstates the fact that I was the one to post 'let's go eat pizza'), I was pondering the quote I posted yesterday. Specifically I wondered how I could 'live' right then, that day. I decided that for that day I was doing ok. I was leaving work feeling good about things. I've been learning SQL 2005 Express, playing more than seriously. I do seem to have more database experience than my co-workers in my group, so I feel like I can help further the general knowledge in this area. I was headed to see some friends and meet new ones. For once I got good marks on my 'living' score.
Today I left work feeling like shit. I apologized to a co-worker for mis-interpreting a situation and walking into his class. I thought they were pretty much done for the day and he was not in the room and the folks taking the class were just sitting around talking. I asked to use a machine one of them had built in the class to check out something. Turned out that the class was still going on, he had apparently just stepped out or they were on break or something. Anyway, he merely told me how upset he was I had done that and never acknowledged my comments of apology. Instead of feeling like I bring something to the group, I ended up feeling like I am a troublemaker. I really, really wish, I don't know what. I guess I wish I could learn to like this job. It has potential, and I make good money. I just end up pissed off more often than I feel good about it.
I'm not going to Iraq. The guy who gets all the good trips is going. I thought that because he's on a new contract that might free up this trip, but they are bringing him back to do this. I probably won't get any of the overseas trips anyway. Not the way the clique that is in power feels about me. Oh well.
In good news, I got an email from Phil, and he is doing ok after his surgery and they have downgraded the level of his cancer. Thank you God.
Today I left work feeling like shit. I apologized to a co-worker for mis-interpreting a situation and walking into his class. I thought they were pretty much done for the day and he was not in the room and the folks taking the class were just sitting around talking. I asked to use a machine one of them had built in the class to check out something. Turned out that the class was still going on, he had apparently just stepped out or they were on break or something. Anyway, he merely told me how upset he was I had done that and never acknowledged my comments of apology. Instead of feeling like I bring something to the group, I ended up feeling like I am a troublemaker. I really, really wish, I don't know what. I guess I wish I could learn to like this job. It has potential, and I make good money. I just end up pissed off more often than I feel good about it.
I'm not going to Iraq. The guy who gets all the good trips is going. I thought that because he's on a new contract that might free up this trip, but they are bringing him back to do this. I probably won't get any of the overseas trips anyway. Not the way the clique that is in power feels about me. Oh well.
In good news, I got an email from Phil, and he is doing ok after his surgery and they have downgraded the level of his cancer. Thank you God.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Quote
We are always getting ready to live, but never living.
—RALPHWALDO EMERSON, American essayist, 1803–82
And this is why I hang out on message boards such as WhiteBlaze.net. I was directed in a thread there to a PDF of quotes about wilderness. And I found a quote that speaks volumes to me. Pardon me while I get ready to finish reading these quotes about the wilderness (self directed sarcasm intended)
—RALPHWALDO EMERSON, American essayist, 1803–82
And this is why I hang out on message boards such as WhiteBlaze.net. I was directed in a thread there to a PDF of quotes about wilderness. And I found a quote that speaks volumes to me. Pardon me while I get ready to finish reading these quotes about the wilderness (self directed sarcasm intended)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
At Home on Sunday
I made it home on Friday evening. Not a great flight, I'm glad it was a direct flight and only 2 hours. I had a sick headache until almost midnight. I will definitely take fewer things next time, less luggage.
I talked for an hour to Shiloh on Thursday. He was heading into Delaware Water Gap. I saw in his journal that he was diagnosed with Lyme's disease while in town. They gave him antibiotics and hope that catching it early he won't have any symptoms other than the rash. From the journals, it seems that when someone makes it that far on the trail, it is usually only injury or sickness that takes them off. I'm hoping that he will be fine and be able to continue towards Maine.
I unpacked and did laundry and did some more organizing yesterday. Today I'm concentrating on my bedroom, getting it clean. The cat is snuggled beside me in the chair while I'm on the computer. He's been there most of the time I've been home that I'm sitting down. I made bread in the bread machine last night. It turned out ok. I really want to use up all these 'ingredients' that I have stockpiled. I'll make spaghetti later, and maybe try dehydrating some of it. The focus for the next week will be gathering up some clothes to get rid of.
At the moment I'm supposed to be home for a month, then traveling for the next 2 months with a week or maybe two between the trips. If I go to Iraq I'll leave the end of July, if Oregon then the first week of August. I may find out which I do tomorrow or the next day.
I talked for an hour to Shiloh on Thursday. He was heading into Delaware Water Gap. I saw in his journal that he was diagnosed with Lyme's disease while in town. They gave him antibiotics and hope that catching it early he won't have any symptoms other than the rash. From the journals, it seems that when someone makes it that far on the trail, it is usually only injury or sickness that takes them off. I'm hoping that he will be fine and be able to continue towards Maine.
I unpacked and did laundry and did some more organizing yesterday. Today I'm concentrating on my bedroom, getting it clean. The cat is snuggled beside me in the chair while I'm on the computer. He's been there most of the time I've been home that I'm sitting down. I made bread in the bread machine last night. It turned out ok. I really want to use up all these 'ingredients' that I have stockpiled. I'll make spaghetti later, and maybe try dehydrating some of it. The focus for the next week will be gathering up some clothes to get rid of.
At the moment I'm supposed to be home for a month, then traveling for the next 2 months with a week or maybe two between the trips. If I go to Iraq I'll leave the end of July, if Oregon then the first week of August. I may find out which I do tomorrow or the next day.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
winding down
The day before the last day of the fielding. All is done in my part. I'm moving into transition, getting ready to leave and hand off everything here to the unit DBA.
Shiloh updated his journal, and for once - first time that I know of - he had cell signal and didn't call me. He posted that he's been thinking of his late wife all week. The first time on-line that he's posted about losing her. I hadn't really thought about how symbolic it is that he's hiking back to Maine, where the two of them lived for most of their 30 years together that ended last November. I feel him moving out of my life. I had encouraged him to deal with his feelings of loss, not just 'not think about it'. So, now he not only is doing that, but posting about it.
My good friend Phil had surgery on Tuesday. The second cancer surgery in a month, the first one to take out part of his lung. Ten years ago when we worked together and he smoked he would answer any suggestions that he quit with a grin and say 'I know what I'm gonna die of, you folks don't know what you'll die of, but at least I do.' I haven't reminded him of that statement. I call more often now. I haven't heard anything of how the surgery was. I'll try calling him next week, and hope he answers.
So, I'm here, doing the responsible thing while people I care about move away from me. There isn't anything I can do about losing either one.
Shiloh updated his journal, and for once - first time that I know of - he had cell signal and didn't call me. He posted that he's been thinking of his late wife all week. The first time on-line that he's posted about losing her. I hadn't really thought about how symbolic it is that he's hiking back to Maine, where the two of them lived for most of their 30 years together that ended last November. I feel him moving out of my life. I had encouraged him to deal with his feelings of loss, not just 'not think about it'. So, now he not only is doing that, but posting about it.
My good friend Phil had surgery on Tuesday. The second cancer surgery in a month, the first one to take out part of his lung. Ten years ago when we worked together and he smoked he would answer any suggestions that he quit with a grin and say 'I know what I'm gonna die of, you folks don't know what you'll die of, but at least I do.' I haven't reminded him of that statement. I call more often now. I haven't heard anything of how the surgery was. I'll try calling him next week, and hope he answers.
So, I'm here, doing the responsible thing while people I care about move away from me. There isn't anything I can do about losing either one.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
It was bound to happen
I know myself. When I have time on my hands and money, I end up spending the time spending the money. So, when I don't have money I spend time researching the things I wish I had money for. I had been looking at the Asus eeepc for a few weeks. I don't like lugging my D800 large laptop (that sounds like an oxymoron) around along with my necessary D630 work latptop. I like the size of the eeepc, but it is limited in function in many ways. I'm spoiled, being in IT, and while I don't do much, if any, gaming, I like my features. Looking forward to hiking in a few years, I wanted something that I could put into a backpack. I ended up comparing the features/weight of the eeepc to a D430 Dell. I am Dell certified, I know how to take a D430 apart and put it back together again. It has the features I wanted. It is only a pound heavier than the eeepc, and has 2G memory rather than 1G, a 100G hard drive rather than 20G solid state drive, comes with the DVD/CD combo drive that I'd have to order separately with the eeepc. It was maybe $400 more expensive. I ordered a D430 yesterday. So, there went the expense check from this trip. Or, the rest of the expense check, after the $200 for clothes for work and, uh, the $120 for the hammock setup I bought from a guy on Hammock Forums last week...
Today is about getting myself back up to speed, care wise. I need to wash my hair and lotion my skin, get on the treadmill, do laundry. Probably need to pass on a trip to the mall, no more money needs to be spent. I need to put together the box to send home so I'm not overweight with my luggage on Friday when I fly home. Hopefully I'll stay busy and not spend money.
I counted most of the big things I brought with me. I have way more than 100 things. I have 94 items of clothing alone. I have 10 pr of shoes (not 8 like I said before) in that, counting as 1 'thing' per pair. So, even before getting into toiletries, electronics and general stuff I brought I'm almost up to the 100 items some folks try for all of their possessions. And this is for a 3 week trip... sigh... I know I can cut down on some of the clothes. I am seeing what I do and don't wear. I have decided to buy one pair of pants and one top new each month while I'm working. I need to just get rid of a lot of my things that have been washed too much and/or I just don't wear anymore. I'm going to try for quality, not quantity.
Ok, off to take a shower.
Today is about getting myself back up to speed, care wise. I need to wash my hair and lotion my skin, get on the treadmill, do laundry. Probably need to pass on a trip to the mall, no more money needs to be spent. I need to put together the box to send home so I'm not overweight with my luggage on Friday when I fly home. Hopefully I'll stay busy and not spend money.
I counted most of the big things I brought with me. I have way more than 100 things. I have 94 items of clothing alone. I have 10 pr of shoes (not 8 like I said before) in that, counting as 1 'thing' per pair. So, even before getting into toiletries, electronics and general stuff I brought I'm almost up to the 100 items some folks try for all of their possessions. And this is for a 3 week trip... sigh... I know I can cut down on some of the clothes. I am seeing what I do and don't wear. I have decided to buy one pair of pants and one top new each month while I'm working. I need to just get rid of a lot of my things that have been washed too much and/or I just don't wear anymore. I'm going to try for quality, not quantity.
Ok, off to take a shower.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Another Saturday
Another Saturday [morning] and I ain't got nobody.... nod to Cat Stevens and a reminder that I want to pick up a cd of his songs if they still exist.
Two days off in Houston. No transportation. There are restaurants and a WalMart in walking distance. And, I have this computer. Life could be worse. I got most of my work done for this fielding. Everything is built and I'm waiting on the unit IT guy to show me where to set it all up. I'm getting along with everyone this time.
This is when I wish I could have my sewing machine and hammock-making things here. I have uninterrupted time to actually make things. But, no materials.
Shiloh is working his way through PA. Phil is having surgery on Tuesday to take out the cancer in his thyroid. I'm here. Not much else going on. Nothing I can do for anyone else since I'm so far away from everyone. This travel is freeing in the way that 'freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose'. I wonder if those of us trying for a more free life are ready for that other side of the double edge sword.
I am feeling weighted down by the house and stuff again. I wonder why I have all that back there when I'm not there much anymore. I asked Shiloh last call if he has missed being 'home' any since he left to hike in March. He said he hadn't at all. I wonder how I'll do when I do finally cut the ties and am living out of my truck/backpack/rv or whatever I end up doing.
And so, I have checked most of my websites I follow, checked my email and now updated the journal. It's 8:45 am. I have most of the rest of 2 days left to fill. Welcome to freedom.
Two days off in Houston. No transportation. There are restaurants and a WalMart in walking distance. And, I have this computer. Life could be worse. I got most of my work done for this fielding. Everything is built and I'm waiting on the unit IT guy to show me where to set it all up. I'm getting along with everyone this time.
This is when I wish I could have my sewing machine and hammock-making things here. I have uninterrupted time to actually make things. But, no materials.
Shiloh is working his way through PA. Phil is having surgery on Tuesday to take out the cancer in his thyroid. I'm here. Not much else going on. Nothing I can do for anyone else since I'm so far away from everyone. This travel is freeing in the way that 'freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose'. I wonder if those of us trying for a more free life are ready for that other side of the double edge sword.
I am feeling weighted down by the house and stuff again. I wonder why I have all that back there when I'm not there much anymore. I asked Shiloh last call if he has missed being 'home' any since he left to hike in March. He said he hadn't at all. I wonder how I'll do when I do finally cut the ties and am living out of my truck/backpack/rv or whatever I end up doing.
And so, I have checked most of my websites I follow, checked my email and now updated the journal. It's 8:45 am. I have most of the rest of 2 days left to fill. Welcome to freedom.
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