Motivation

Motivation. I need some. I am totally frustrated with my life out here. And there is no reason I can't stage myself to be ready for some kind of change. I need to stage myself for change, because when I'm this unhappy or frustrated the Universe conspires to hand me that change even if I don't consciously do it myself.

Small, easy steps. First I want to get out and clean out my small shed here. Most of the stuff in it isn't mine, it was left by prior tenants. I need to see if there is anything that should be just tossed, anything I can donate, and then talk to the manager about what to do with the rest.

I made muffins, the last package of the mixes I had on hand. I have a scratch muffin recipe now, and just need to buy some flour. Making a grocery list. Along those lines, I read a journal a few weeks ago about someone who spent $1/day on food, not letting herself use food she already had in her pantry. She did it, no reason I can't do it using my pantry food. The idea is not even so much to save money as it is to clean out the darn pantry. Tonight I'm thinking salmon patties (I still have 2 cans of salmon to use up), a can of the potatoes doctored up somehow, and some of the dehydrated vegetables I bought, mixed up in some combination.

It's sunny. Tomorrow I'll drive out to a new area. Today I wanted to work on the place, and I've gone through 3 of the plastic tubs. At least I know what is where now. Most of them aren't full at this point, so if/when I move I have room to pack a lot of stuff in them. The trick is to be down to the level of stuff that will pack into them. Then it would be easier to move. Or fit into an RV. Or even just stay here.

Happy Easter

It's a rainy Easter Sunday. I slept in, and now have a headache. It's going away since I took an Advil and am drinking coffee. I decided against going anywhere this weekend, enjoying the time at home. Yesterday I took down the hammock I'm sleeping in, cleared out the rest of the floor space that was cluttered with things that didn't go in there, vacuumed, then moved the air mattress in. It didn't hold air long enough for even a nap. So, another thing gone. I put up the hammock again and slept in it last night.

I have my backpacking pack exploded out onto the living room floor. There are a couple of pieces of custom gear that I have the parts to and I need to assemble. I would like to have my pack ready to just toss into the Jeep when I decide to take off. Put water in the platys, stuff the sleeping bag and underquilt, add food and go. Go where, I'm not sure...

I have the parts to make my gravity flow water filter. I just need to cut some tubing to length and put it together. Oh, and test it. I also have the pieces to make a custom coffee/freezer bag cooking setup with plastic ziplock containers. May do that today. I have an aluminized bubblewrap windshield reflector that I bought cheap to use as insulation in my original hammock that's not needed since I got my underquilt. It will be sacrificed to make cozys for the ziplock container to hold heat in while rehydrating the freezerbag cooking type food. That will also keep my coffee hot, and my hands from being burned when I pick it up to drink as the idea is that the container will do double duty. Not sure what I'll do if I'm rehydrating breakfast while wanting coffee. Hmmm.

I unpacked the last suitcase of clothes brought out here yesterday. I didn't get rid of any of it yet, but it is at least in view now. I am to the point of opening the many colored large plastic totes and starting to go through them. I know of a few things already that I plan to get rid of. Friday I bought an over-the-door ironing board that I put on the back of the door to where the washing machine would go if I had one. I need to find my iron (and give away the other two) because there are a few items that need pressing. I don't do that too often, but working around and with army guys, especially the old school ones, ironing is a thing for them. I can get rid of my large ironing board back in Nashville when I go back, too.

I'm sorting through piles of papers, getting rid of what no longer is needed and noting where I put ones that may be needed later. I need to find the name of the real estate agent who sold my last house and start the process of putting my house in Nashville on the market. I am being 'gently' persuaded to move on this by Nancye who listens to me wailing about my situation only so long before she starts nudging me along to actually do something about it. :)

Time Flys

I have written here lately because I've been kinda in hermit mode. I need/want to get out and about, but nothing around here so far trips my trigger. I did drive out to Mt. Rainier a couple of weeks ago, and the road was closed because of the snow. Went again last weekend and made it up to Paradise. From there down to several miles outside of the park it was solid snow, so no hiking. Also, only the one road up was open, so no real exploring to be done, either. It was an ok trip, and the park really isn't far away. Almost close enough to run out after work as the daylight hours increase. Just need to melt off some of that snow.

I'm looking the other direction, over to the Olympics and the coast on the other side of them for some hiking possibilities. Found an area I really want to explore. Then I did a route finder on it and it's 4 hours away. Not all that bad, but I want to be ready with my gear to stay the night if I like the feel of the place. It's sea level, actually on the coast, so snow shouldn't be an issue now.

The rest is just kinda rolling along. The cats are restless lately. I'm listless and somewhat bored. I'm trying to funnel some of my frustration into sorting and trimming my stuff around here so that I can get moved into something more mobile. I make small steps.

My Dad probably had another stroke today. He's so weak that it's difficult to tell, but he had some kind of spell. It's the slide downhill, and there is not much anyone can do other than keep him out of pain and just stand by and watch.

Decisions

I'm sitting here in my recliner, on the computer, in a beam of rare sunlight. I have no blinds on the windows in the main part of the mobile home, so rain or shine, it's all there at the windows. I'm thinking that I should get a shower, dress and head to Mt. Rainier for a day trip. It's sunny. Not sure for how long. They had snow yesterday, but I've got 4WD on the Jeep, and however far I get is more sightseeing than I've done so far. Just gotta get going. I hope to be on the road by 10. Yes, it's been a lazy Sunday morning.

Back to Normal

I'm sitting at a Jeep dealership waiting while they do the first oil change on my new ride. Almost 6K miles. Actually, the past few months are probably the least I've driven a vehicle in many years. Just so much else going on. I made an early appointment, 8am, to get myself going on a rainy Saturday. How did I know it would be raining? It's the South Sound area... sigh...

I had planned to go to Mt. Rainer today but they are showing a major snow storm up there. Again. They say 8-22". Snow in the Olympics, too, so a detour to there is out. I may run up to Seattle to REI instead. I am ready to get out and about.

I think that most of the emergencies are under control now. My Dad is in a nursing home, and Mom had the appointment to see how much money they would let her keep. Turns out that it will be manageable. Not great, but manageable. Dad has stabilized. Again. At least he's not in pain, and mostly his mind is ok. He may make it to his 90th birthday in June after all.

I hate to use dealerships to work on my trucks, but to keep the lifetime warranty on the drive train I almost need to come here. They obviously aren't quick. Oh, well, it's a rainy Saturday anyway.

Sick

Out of nowhere this morning I noticed that my right ear felt stopped up when I got out of the shower. I couldn't find my Q-tips since I cleaned and put everything away last weekend. I went to work and felt worse as the day wore on. At lunch I notified the boss that I was heading home. Drank some Emergen-C, cleaned the ear out with hydrogen peroxide and a Q-tip and slept for 3 hours with the ear pointing down. This evening I've had left over Mexican food, more Emergen-C, and have done nothing but sit round. So far I feel better in general, and the ear doesn't feel quite as stopped up. I don't want to get sick since this weekend I want to head out and explore the area finally.

Started studying for my Security+ test, again. That is my next big goal, to pass that. I want to start doing yoga again, too. I have some DVD's to play with until I decide that I will actually get some good out of going to an actual yoga class again. As always, getting out and actually HIKING is a goal. No reason I can't work on all of these over the next few days. Assuming I'm not really coming down with something that has me confined to bed tomorrow...

Settling In

Nancye was here visiting for a couple of evenings. I took her to the airport this morning to fly back to Nashville. Her upcoming visit prompted me to go into high gear to get 'stuff' put away, unpacked, decluttered, etc. last weekend. Well, also it was snowing. I wasn't yet psychologically prepared to head out in snow, even with the 4WD on the Jeep. So, I stayed home and unpacked. As a result my place was actually somewhat like a home. I actually did kitchen stuff in the kitchen while she was here, and we could sit in the living room (she let me sit in my recliner and she took the camping chair) and read the computer and/or books. She scouted me a microwave at Goodwill, so for $15 I am back in the modern times. I can re-heat food again. There are just some things that I don't have the knack to reheat in the oven.

Dad is in the rehab center, and is actually getting physical therapy. Mom took his power chair (electric wheelchair) in to him this morning and he used that to go to therapy. He felt much better being back in his own chair. It would be really good financially if he can get strong enough to go home again. He still has a lot of issues. But, his basic health is still good. I really need to take better care of myself since I have long-lived folks on both sides of my family and unless I get stupid I will most likely be here for awhile. It would be nice to be able to enjoy it.

This coming weekend I am really going to try to make myself get out and explore around here. There are a few things I've been wanting to do. It may well snow again, but it doesn't stick, I have 4WD, and it's just time to get out and about.

Hermit

I've been in hermit mode since I got back from TN. First, my Dad has had more issues and is still in the hospital. His digestive system isn't working, basically. They were to run more tests. I've been sleeping a lot just catching up from my trip. Everything here is going ok. I'm slowly putting the stuff I moved into here away. I'm trying to get a routine going.

I drove up to Seattle one evening after work this week. Mostly just for a road trip. Seattle wasn't what I was expecting, but then nothing out here has been what I expected. I didn't fine REI even though I was within a block of it. I'll probably go back this weekend. I'm trying to get out and see more of the area.

Just not a lot going on out here yet.

Quick Update

Dad is doing much better. He is in a regular room, and tomorrow they may send him to a rehab center (read, nursing home) for therapy. This opens many more issues for my Mom.

I'm back in WA. I'm tired. The cats are active and seemed happy to see me.

And that is all I have energy to write tonight.

More Changes

I'm back in Nashville for a few days. My Dad took a turn for the worse. Mom took him to ER on Friday, and I flew in Saturday (yesterday). I walked into his hospital room and he brightened up. Mom hadn't told him I was coming. He was rattling when he breathed, and Moms said that had started about an hour before. I wasn't there 5 min and Mom put her coat on for us to leave. I would have stayed longer, but wasn't sure if she wanted to leave or just wanted to tell me something. We ended up going back to her place and then going out to get something to eat. She thought I was staying there, but I had already put my stuff back here at my empty house, so I came back here and slept on the floor in my sleeping bag. Mom called about 2am and said that the hospital called and were moving him to CCU because he was having touble breathing. Then they called again in a panic that he needed to go on a ventilator. Mom asked it that violated his living will, and could she take him off it if she decided it was what he wanted. She was told she could, so she gave the ok and then called me. I said leave him on it till this morning anyway. She was calling a nurse friend to ask her opinion, too. When we left Dad's room last night, I wasn't really ready to go but thought, well, I'll just come early and talk to him in the morning. Mom hasn't called back, and around 3:30 I gave up trying to sleep and just got on the computer. I'm waiting for 6am for McDonalds to open since I don't even have a cup to get a drink of water here right now.

Not sure what's going to happen. I knew when I asked for the time off that it would probably move right into bereavement leave. At least he saw me and knows I'm here. And, he may rally yet. He has before.