Four Peaks in snow

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Lost Focus

It is really hitting me this morning how much I have lost my focus on what I want from this life. I lost it awhile ago. The hike has helped reel my attention back in towards what I want, but it is only one step. Ok, many actual steps once I start it, but in the grand scheme of things, it isn't the end product.

For some reason, cruising my blogs this morning I again clicked on one I hadn't read in quite awhile. Don't even remember when or why I clicked it. But something in it reminded me that I used to have an idea, not quite a plan. Since I have been at this job making the 'professional' money again, I haven't been terribly frugal. I didn't need to, I was still paying down the debt and enjoying myself and filling the holes that having no money for a few years had created. The sudden cost of the cat's illness started a domino effect on my finances, and I hadn't pulled in my spending quick enough. There are some repercussions, mostly in a lack of cushion fund right now. Instead of feeling deprived right now, I'm wondering where that pride I used to have with being able to do what I want on a low budget went. Anyone can plop down money. It takes creativity and some skill to go out and do cool things and not spend a lot.

This is also part of the 'when did I check my intellect at the door, and where the heck is that door that I left it?' feelings I'm getting when I read cool stuff and remember that at one time I would have already known that stuff exists. So, now that I have finally woken up again. What's next?

At the moment I'm a bit overwhelmed at how far off track I am. So, I'm at the 'one thing at a time' point. It's a 12-step thing, just keep doing the next right thing. Fly Lady (, if it still is there) said she once cleaned out an entire room of junk by just dealing with one item a day.

And, I need to balance reading the blogs with actually doing things here in real life that I can write about in my own blog.

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